23.11.10
The Loneliness of the long distance pro
One of the most difficult facets of being a professional photographer and one of the least spoken about is loneliness. Not only is it an unexpected issue for many photographers it is also one of the hardest to deal with and in these difficult times it is becoming more and more of a problem. Having spent 10 years working as a freelance photographer, PP editor Grant Scott offers his own experiences and some help to anyone feeling alone.
I would never have thought that I would turn to the singer Leo Sayer for the appropriate words to start this article but as I sit alone in my small office it’s his words which come to mind first. “I’m a one-man band, nobody knows or understands. Is there anybody out there wanna lend a hand, with my one-man band?” If you’re a pro photographer and these words have the same relevance as they do to me, then read on and don’t worry, you’re not alone.
I’ve spent many hours, days and months sitting in front of a computer screen racking my brains about who to contact next and how to contact them, and wondering why nobody replies to my emails, responds to my phone calls or rings me with the perfect job. Everyone else seems to be busy, successful and included, so why aren’t I? Photographers are notoriously bad networkers, always aware that your fellow photographer is also your fellow rival for that job you need so badly. Add to this the closure of photo labs (previously always a great place to drop into to find out what was going over a mug of tea) and the ever-declining numbers within creative teams who are always ‘too busy, sorry’ and what you have is a social firewall. Whatever you do, whichever way you turn, it’s easy to feel blocked, defeated and lonely.
Without the social framework that an office or studio network can offer, it’s hard to get up each morning and recreate yourself, coming up with new reasons for people to see and employ you, finding new clients to approach and continuing the daily slog of self-promotion. It requires a huge amount of determination, self-belief and stamina, and that’s before you have even taken a picture. It is no surprise to me that I am hearing about more and more photographers leaving the business, suffering from depression and/or beginning to rely a little too heavily on drink, drugs or gambling. It’s always been a tough business but despite the myriad ways of communicating on offer today, for many photographers it has never been such a lonely one.
So if any of this rings true for you, what’s the answer? Well, from a personal perspective, I’ve always used self-initiated projects as a way to network, progress my work and prevent myself from becoming home bound. But I know that this is not something that everyone finds easy to do. If you can, they definitely work and can provide you with an income (read our interview with Tim MacPherson in this issue to see how he approaches personal work as part of his career).
If you are someone who has not found it easy to create and implement personal projects and are feeling cut off from the industry, there are people who can help. But how do you know when you actually need help? When does having a few bad days become something you need to deal with? At any one time between five 10 per cent of the UK population will be suffering from depression. I know this word is full of negative connotations and stigma but please stay with me on this. The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy has published 10 key signs of depression to help people recognise when they need help. They are: getting no sense of pleasure out of life or things you used to enjoy; crying a lot; struggling to concentrate or make decisions; feeling unable to cope with everyday tasks; unusual tiredness and a loss of energy; feelings of guilt, hopelessness and worthlessness; suddenly distancing yourself from others and avoiding social situations; feeling strangely restless and agitated; noticeable loss of appetite and weight; recurrent thoughts about suicide. Can you relate to any of these?
Shane Buckeridge, the BACP lead adviser for Scotland, says: “For some, depression may follow a significant life event such as bereavement, divorce or redundancy; for others there may be no obvious reason. Instead it could be something that has built up over many months or years. Many people suffering with the condition feel ashamed, often blaming themselves for their feelings. They tend to withdraw from family and friends, and find it hard to reach out to others for help. Whatever the cause and however depressed you are, talking about your feelings can be helpful, creating clarity in how you view both your life and the people within it. Although talking to friends and family is useful, it can be difficult to express how you really feel to those close to you. In such circumstances it can be beneficial to talk things through with a trained and unbiased counsellor.”
We work in a profession which requires huge self-belief in our work and ourselves. We have nothing to sell other than our personalities and creativity, and when either or both of these are rejected our self-belief takes a battering. When that happens repeatedly it is no surprise that our self-belief declines dramatically and at this point loneliness becomes a destructive factor. Few of us have anybody close who understands the particular pressures of being a professional photographer. We want to give out a successful, positive persona to ensure that our clients feel that they are buying into a success story, not someone having hard times. So we deliberately lie when asked how we are doing and how the recession is affecting us. It is a fragile balance of truth, which is hard to maintain. You have to create two versions of yourself, the real one and the one for the client. Not surprisingly this can lead to personal confusion as to who you are and how comfortable you feel, having been put into this position by photography. Resentment of the industry and its relationship with photography can soon follow.
The answer could be counselling, which offers people a confidential, secure space in which to confront, change or channel feelings of confusion, grief, anger or depression. The majority of counsellors do not advise or tell you what to do but help you find answers within yourself. But don’t think that counselling is a soft option. Therapists are trained to challengeassumptions and offer ‘tough love’ as well as understanding and kindness, and are ethically required not to waste your time or money.
There are three main approaches to counselling to consider: Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Humanistic Therapy (HT), Psychodynamic Therapy (PT). CBT tries to get you thinking more positively and to make you realistic about your life and career. CBT also recommends “changing what you do to change how you feel”. You will usually meet a therapist for between five and 20 weekly or fortnightly sessions, each one lasting between 30 and 60 minutes. Humanistic therapy covers a range of approaches, which aim to heal or enrich your concept of who you are. The methods used are optimistic, tolerant, creative and sometimes spiritual. Psychodynamictherapy suggests that most problems are laid down in the relationships of childhood and need discussing and understanding from that perspective.
The idea is for you to decide which of these approaches you feel would be most appropriate and helpful. However, if you start on one approach and find that it is not working, it will be easy to change. Before you begin any form of counselling it is important that you understand that the field of counselling, psychology, psychotherapy and psychoanalysis is unregulated by law. It is therefore sensible only to contact therapists belonging to a large organisation with transparent standards of ethical and accountable practice, such as the BACP. Unfortunately, counselling is not cheap and you should expect to pay approximately £10 to £80 per session with a BACP approved counsellor. Not a figure that’s easy to pay when your problems have been brought on by your business suffering, but if you are on a limited budget, fees can sometimes be adjusted to meet your ability to pay.
My first job when I started in the magazine industry in 1985 was on Elle magazine. It was a glamorous and high-powered time, and the magazine was edited by someone who seemed to have everything. Sally Brampton was young, successful, powerful, creative, well connected, on top of her game and inspirational to work for. However, things were not as they seemed. “When I was launching Elle, I would find myself crying for days on end. I put it down to the stress of producing a magazine and having to be constantly on show, now, though, I think it was a warning sign of the depression that was to come,” she admits.
After leaving Elle and taking a break from magazines she returned in 2000 as the editor of the women’s magazine Red. However, magazine priorities had changed. “I found the obsession with celebrities and products vacuous, and I started to feel very disheartened by it all,” she says. “I took a week’s holiday and spent it walking around London, crying behind my dark glasses. After that, I went to therapy. The irony was that I wasn’t the sort of person who did therapy, or believed in therapy, but I went in the hope thatif I expressed my misery, it would go away. But it didn’t.”
Sally’s personal journey from this point was painful and included losing her job at Red due to declining sales, losing three years of her life to clinical depression, addictions to both pills and drink, and suicide attempts. Today she’s back on track and a freelance journalist giving personal life help through her weekly column in The Sunday Times; she has also outlined her journey in an excellent and painfully honest book, Shoot the Damn Dog.
But we are photographers, not magazine editors, I hear you exclaim, what relevance has this to us? Well, we may have different titles but we suffersimilar issues from being in the same business. Sally’s example is an extreme one but as she says: “If there is one thing I’ve realised, it’s that depression does not strike one sort of person because of one particular reason.”
Each month in Professional Photographer we try to produce a magazine that is honest about the challenges facing professional photographers, however unpalatable these might be. Sometimes that comes through inspirational features on photographers who have achieved success. At other times, we look at issues or dilemmas we are facing and try to provide context, advice and debate. With the launch of our new sister title,Turning Pro, we bring the same approach and moral responsibility. I know what it is like to see a client and open your portfolio, and your heart and soul, with the possibility of rejection. That can sometimes be the most lonesome experience of all and is why we try to create a place to come to each month and online, where professional photographers can feel part of a community. What ever step we are on the ladder, we are all experiencing the same problems, as I think Sally’s story shows.
I hope that you now understand why I felt the need to write this article. Maybe it’s time to address some issues; it may have made you more aware of possible pitfalls or you may feel that it has no place in a photography magazine. I don’t know, but what I do know is that everyone needs an arm around the shoulder at some point.
Me, I’m still sitting alone in my small office; I think it’s time to go outand meet some people.
• To share your experiences of being a professional photographer, please email me at feedback@professionalphotographer.co.uk
• To find a counsellor in your area contact BACP on 01455 883300 or visit http://www.bacp.co.uk
• Shoot the Damn Dog: A Memoir of Depression, by Sally Brampton, is published by Bloomsbury at £15.99. • Turning Pro magazine is on sale now at £4.99.
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